What Colour? - Tom

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Tom Veitch
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Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

What Colour? - Tom

Postby Tom Veitch » Tue Apr 25, 2017 9:14 pm

https://soundcloud.com/houlet/what-colour

Sorry I won't pay for the tissues. :) Like ALL my tracks still rough but I quite like it.

What Colour?

G Em G7 Em Am
What colour is lonely? What colour is sad?
Em G C Am
People talk of the blues but blues ain’t this bad
G Em G Am C
My life has no meaning, its focal point gone
G D D7 G
Though I’ve lost my true lover my life stumbles on

What colour is sorrow? What colour is grief?
Our love passed so quickly for time’s but a thief
I thought that our love would last for all time
But it’s never that easy, you’re no longer mine

D C G D
The colours of my rainbow have all turned to grey
G D C D7 D
For living without you has made me feel this way.


What colour is anger? What colour is pain?
You left me heartbroken, ne’er see you again
I wish I could wake up, from this living nightmare
Look across at your pillow and find you’re still there

What colour’s a lifetime? What colour is death?
I know I’ll still love you till my dying breath
You were taken too early, dying young so unfair
What colour is heaven? For I’ll meet you there

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Anne Elder
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Joined: Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:36 pm
Location: Mainz, Germany

Re: What Colour? - Tom

Postby Anne Elder » Tue Apr 25, 2017 9:44 pm

Really nice lyrics, Tom! The questions at the beginning of the verses are very effective.

Haven't listened to the recording yet.

Nita Nevara
Posts: 232
Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:40 am
Location: Lyon, France

Re: What Colour? - Tom

Postby Nita Nevara » Tue Apr 25, 2017 10:02 pm

I really like the idea of the what colour motif, it works very well, and the rainbow turning grey is brilliant, it's great imagery.

If you allow me I'm more skeptical on a few other aspects.

The interpretation first, but I guess it's the rush recording. The melody too doesn't feel melancholic. All in all, I read the sadness but didn't hear it (well, I've been told I'm emotionally impaired so take it for what it's worth...)
Also, I see a few things in the lyric that could be so much more efficient for a tear-jerker. I've seen before how you like regularity, but today I really feel you've fallen victim of this habit. It would be a great time to consider Pat's instability tips here.
I don't like the second line of the chorus. I would seriously consider removing this line entirely. It's so obvious to both the addressee and the audience it brings nothing. Just the first line, possibly repeated but I wouldn't go for it every time (probably only toward the end of the song) would probably have more strength.
Also, the second verse is extremely misleading. I thought I liked the twist in the end (I thought she left but she died) but less so when I hear this verse again: I got tricked "our love passed quickly", "I thought [it] would last", "no longer mine". "Our love's passed" is not like "you passed away", not at all. Time being a thief is a good image too, but lost in the rest of the verse. If you intend to trick the listener, it's a good idea, though, it brings interest to the second part of the song, instead of saying it all in the first, which is the common problem in that sort of songs.

But I think it has the makings of something amazing, honestly :)

CaliaMoko
Posts: 55
Joined: Thu Mar 05, 2015 8:39 pm

Re: What Colour? - Tom

Postby CaliaMoko » Wed Apr 26, 2017 2:23 am

I like your creative interpretation of the "color/colour" theme, I would never have thought of that kind of approach. Good job on that!

You've gotten some good feedback already. The only thing I can think of to add relates to the timing and mismatching of strong beats with weak syllables and vice versa. I suspect this might mainly be due, though, to the quick, recording job. I often have trouble getting the beats in the right places when I run through my songs in the early stages.

The most important thing about this song, for me, is the creative approach you took to the theme idea. I love it!

Vicki

PS: I almost forgot to mention that the song reminds me of "On Top of Old Smokey" :D

Tom Veitch
Posts: 813
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: What Colour? - Tom

Postby Tom Veitch » Wed Apr 26, 2017 8:19 am

Thanks for all the comments Ladies.

Anne: You are the lucky one since you haven't listened to it. :D

Nita: Thanks for te extended comments, firstly I don't like the bridge much either. It's a concept I have always struggled with. The grey rainbow is fine but I'm not happy with any of the rest of it. I tried to make the song melancholy by using minor chords and a 3/4 or probably more 6/8 rhythm but I take on board you suggestion of using instability. The other problem of course is my limited guitar skills what I hear in my head and what I can produce are very different unfortunately. I can hear this with a country style weeping steel guitar in the background.

Vicki: You are right about the backing beats and I knew that even when recording it. I though about leaving it until today and redoing it but I'll be out and about for the next few days. At least "On Top of Old Smokey" is a relatively sad song so I must have at least partially achieved my goal. I hear the resemblance now but I have at the back of my mind a resemblance to a fairly well known hymn tune but haven't quite placed it yet.

Thanks again,

Tom

janepahr
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2016 7:18 am

Re: What Colour? - Tom

Postby janepahr » Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:26 pm

TOM, Agree with comments. Creative use of colour! I like your basic melody but agree that it cold use some variation and maybe a bit more minor / sad feeling. (I played a bit with the melody with different chords , if you like I can send them.) As you work on bridge consider leaving out the word colour so as not to overuse it. I've learned it's best not to use the hook in other than key place and you can say "My rainbow's turned to grey.' Also shorter line to make bridge less meter/melody wise like your verses.

Really like what you've got so far just some suggestions. Ciao

Tom Veitch
Posts: 813
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: What Colour? - Tom

Postby Tom Veitch » Fri Apr 28, 2017 7:16 am

Thanks Jane for the constuctive comments.

I'd be delighted to have your suggestions for chords too,

Tom

janepahr
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2016 7:18 am

Re: What Colour? - Tom

Postby janepahr » Fri Apr 28, 2017 5:34 pm

Basically same melody and similar chords, see if it makes sense and any appeal. Or maybe just stimulate new ideas for you

Start with D6 from intro (1 bar //// lyric comes in on 2nd beat of bar 4)
G2 Cmaj7 Bm7 Am7 D 6 G Em Bm
////,////, //// ,/ What colour is lonely? What colour is sad?
C/G Bm Am7
People talk of the blues but blues ain’t this bad
D13(or D6) G Em Bm
My life has no meaning, its focal point's gone
C/G Bm Bm D7
Though I’ve lost my true love*r my life stumbles on (take out 'r' ,”lost my true love”


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