LOW WATER BRIDGE - Chainsaw Dreams

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Ralph Goodson
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2014 9:53 pm
Location: Baton Rouge,Louisiana

LOW WATER BRIDGE - Chainsaw Dreams

Postby Ralph Goodson » Wed Dec 13, 2017 2:35 am

Hi Y'all,long time no see, although I check in to the site and lurk pretty often. We recorded a few songs with the band I'm honored to be in. The Monday night practices have become the high point of my week. Current emphasis in our group is on original songwriting and learning to perform live. This song was born in July as part of the Fifty/Ninety Challenge, and became a hundred times better because of all the fun we're having in The Adult Music Club, with the guidance of our fearless leader David.H

https://soundcloud.com/ralph-goodson/lo ... ms-m01-mp3


Looks like you’re hitting your Imperial Phase
Baby you can do no wrong
You only stab with the edge of your blade
But you’re singing the same old song

I aint’ had a hug since Geronimo Street
But I’m doing my best not to pout
I keep my chin up when I look at the ground
Cause I don’t want my eyes to fall out

Our relationship now, we’re just punching the clock
Since you’ve been dancing at the Boom-Boom Room
Struttin’ your stuff in the Go-Go Box
I spend my days in the Goldilocks Zone

We’re going to hell in a bucket
And the kids are all on drugs
I want to run away but I’m stuck in a hole
And you need somebody to shove

Your eyes start shining like a mirror ball
You’re bulletproof and 10 feet tall
Then you push me up against the Wailing Wall
Hit me in the head with an eight-pound maul

Prancing around in your Peacock clothes
Thoughts rain down in the second mile
Murder and death pouring out of the clouds
When you’re getting in touch with your inner child

I’m not a big fan of your hourglass eyes
Or the lightning bolts running through your hair
You cut me up with a laser beam
Strap me down in the electric chair

I don’t want to hear about your chainsaw dreams
The dirt in your hair or the blood on your clothes
The caution tape at the massacre scene
Thoughts flying round like a murder of crows

We’re going to hell in a bucket
The kids are all on drugs
I want to run away but I’m down in a hole
Cause you need somebody to shove

Your eyes are shining like a mirror ball
You’re bulletproof and 10 feet tall
Then you push me up against the Wailing Wall
Hit me in the head with an eight-pound maul

Cook’s in the kitchen with spiders and bugs
There’s a clown in the cellar giving free hugs
I stare out the window at the gentrified scene
You’re on the front porch in an opium dream

Get on your high horse and drag me to hell
Swinging a big sword cause you’re a High Elf
Baby’s on bath salts, and stabbing the cars
In search of the one ring, all night at the bar

Your eyes are shining like a mirror ball
You’re bulletproof and 10 feet tall
Then you push me up against the Wailing Wall
Hit me in the head with an eight-pound maul

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Anne Elder
Posts: 858
Joined: Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:36 pm
Location: Mainz, Germany

Re: LOW WATER BRIDGE - Chainsaw Dreams

Postby Anne Elder » Wed Dec 13, 2017 6:59 am

Hi Ralph,
great to hear from you :) and to listen to your song! Glad you're having a lot of fun with your band. It sounds you're making a big step ahead :)

The song sounds great, are you also performing it live? The lyrics sound awesome, although I have to admit I might not have understood every word in the context ;) need to get a bit more into it. Changing the rhyme scheme to AABB in the prechorus works nicely for me, emphasizing the standstill situation, as great as the change to AAAA in the chorus :) Great work!

As to the music, I think verses work very well in the context of the lyrics, sound angry and frustrated, and I love the lesser impact on the "prechorus" (We're going to hell in a bucket...). And the little instrumental after the chorus :)

As for the chorus, I think it could use some more contrast to the verses. Since there're few any pitch changes throughout the verses, I think even just a few higher notes in the chorus would make it contrast and stand out more.

I think the last verse (or is it a bridge?) could also profit of some difference in the arrangement to the other verses.

And you could well repeat the chorus another time at the end.

Looking forward to hear more of your (and your band's) songs!

Anne

Tom Veitch
Posts: 852
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: LOW WATER BRIDGE - Chainsaw Dreams

Postby Tom Veitch » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:33 am

Hi Ralph,

Good to hear from you again, I noticed you visit from time to time, it has been pretty quiet recently but hopefully FAWM wil give us a kick start.

Since you referred to 50/90 I listened to both versions of the song for comparison. I have a feeling it was lyrics only when I looked during 50/90.

Both versions come across to me as much influenced by Bob Dylan, the original by Bob and the band version more by the Travelling Willburys. Both are favourites of mine, so you score points right away. :D

The production and mix on the band version sounds better to me, your solo version is good but I think the guitar tends to overpower your voice. You say you are enjoying playing in the band and that comes across in the band version.

Like Anne I cannot pretend to understand the meaning of all the lyrics but then I still don't understand a lot of Dylan. I suspect he didn't either. :lol:

In summary, I like it and will give it a few more plays, maybe educate myself a bit on American English as opposed to Scottish English. :lol:

Well Done,

Tom


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