Salvation Road

Post songs here that you are currently working on and need help improving the song by the other members ("normal" feedback on songs is always given also in all other forums)
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Anne Elder
Posts: 858
Joined: Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:36 pm
Location: Mainz, Germany

Salvation Road

Postby Anne Elder » Sun Apr 09, 2017 9:43 pm

Hi there,

another song from this years FAWM. It was part of a Morph challenge, which is, change 51% to the song ahead of you in the Morph chain. So the words of the chorus are mostly taken from the previous song, just rearranged them somehow. And I kept the anti-war theme.
HEre's a link to my first version. http://fawm.org/songs/71360/ (sorry for the crappy first chorus, production is awful with this one)

I've already done some editing of it, I highlighted some parts which I don't like so much. Ideas to change the words are highly appreciated. I won't rewrite the whole song, it is not so important for me. But the song is good practice for my performance project that's the reason why I'd like to improve it a bit.

Salvation Road

Am Dm
Nameless soldiers - our brothers and sisters
Em Am
they’re heroes we’re told - on Salvation Road

Dm C
marching drums escort us since the dawn of ages
Dm C
history books are crammed with eager generals
G F(maj7)
some still believe their stars shine clear and bright
Em Am
Guess only through the haze of many years gone by

Today they're giving us more noble reasons (actually they always, but scansion did not work in the versions I tried)
that we’re waging war against the obvious evil
and again we sent out our heroes (this line's rhythm is not really fitting)
with the news show the world in ever deeper chaos

Chorus

switch from the news to a movie station
to see the lonely hero’s grand appearance
streaming with blood as he saves the world
makes killing’s look fun and the only way to go

It’s just a movie, it’s just a game
and we just love to see our hero’s win
but the pattern engraved in our brain’s disturbing
glamour conferred to murder

Chorus

Dm - Em (2x)
maybe it’s time
for other heroes
a praise for words
and ban for weapons
(not so happy with the bridge either)

Chorus


Anne

Tom Veitch
Posts: 852
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Salvation Road

Postby Tom Veitch » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:42 pm

I like the accompaniment in the first version but don't really get a feel for the rhythm of the changes. How about making this a Skype project and we can all make fools of ourselves. :D

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Anne Elder
Posts: 858
Joined: Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:36 pm
Location: Mainz, Germany

Re: Salvation Road

Postby Anne Elder » Wed Apr 12, 2017 6:49 am

When I play that myself, the fingerpicking is a lot more basic ... :D My learning goal with this one is to get the chords, fingerpicking and singing done simultaneously ... Not sure if I'm there yet, although I've been practicing. Did not do fingerpicking on this one at the German FOP, not enough time to practice.

Tom, we should make a Skype session to practice the duet. I probably can't Skype next week and then there're only a couple days to go.

Anne

Tom Veitch
Posts: 852
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Salvation Road

Postby Tom Veitch » Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:10 pm

Hi Anne,

I'm back home so no longer on that infernal tablet, I should have bought a bigger screen. :(

I have Spanish sessions 20::00 Thursday and 21:00 Friday (Your time) I could make any time tonight, anything other than these times, or maybe better for you during the day Friday? You could be all painted out the next two nights.

If the FOP is cancelled we need to think of what alternatives can be fitted in from the festival and about accommodation. I'm happy for you to stay here throughout or whatever suits you.

I'm withing driving distance of Edinburgh, there are trains from Berwick, or buses from Coldingham, but probably neither of the last two alternatives suit late evening travel.

Let me know when you can,

Tom

Tom Veitch
Posts: 852
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Salvation Road

Postby Tom Veitch » Fri Apr 14, 2017 2:24 pm

Back to Salvation Road. :D

I really like the chorus and the choice of 6/8 and minor key suits the sombre nature of the story.
I had a quick fingerpoke and attach some suggestions,

Tom

OOPS I had the changes in red but it looks like we don't do colours/colors. :)

Salvation Road

Am Dm
Nameless soldiers - our brothers and sisters
Em Am
they’re heroes we’re told - on Salvation Road

Dm C
marching drums escort us since the dawn of ages
Dm C
history books are crammed with eager generals
G F(maj7)
some still believe their stars shine clear and bright
Em Am
Guess only through the haze of many years gone by

Always lying to us with more fictitious reasons
How we’re waging war against the obvious evil
Time and again we sent out our heroes
While the news shows the world in ever deeper chaos

Chorus

switch from the news to a movie station
to see the lonely hero’s grand appearance
streaming with blood as he saves the world
makes killing’s look fun and the only way to go

It’s just a movie, it’s just a game
and we just love to see our hero’s win
but the pattern engraved in our brain’s disturbing
glamour conferred to murder

Chorus

Dm - Em (2x)
Surely it’s time
To make other heroes
Worthy of praise
and ban for weapons

Chorus

Tom Veitch
Posts: 852
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Salvation Road

Postby Tom Veitch » Sun Dec 17, 2017 4:10 pm

OK Frau Elder,

You asked for it, the poison pencil has been sharpened. :evil:

I listened to the track several times this afternoon and whilst I like the concept, the story and the melody I have the frustrating feeling that it has not quite got it's message through. I think this could take some time, because I don't yet have the answers, so I decided to put up today's thoughts, and if you are still speaking to me, I'll post more later.

The Prequel/ Chorus - I like, it sets the scene well and I would not change anything there.

Verse 1.

I’m not so sure that this hits its target just as well, I like the “dawn of ages” phrase and the story of the verse. I’m thinking along the lines of :-
(Not these actual words just the concept)

Marching drums, sounding since the dawn of ages
History extols the deeds of long dead generals
But those who can think and see more clearly
Realise that the truth is distorted by the mists of time

That's all I have for now, my brain hurts!

Tom

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Anne Elder
Posts: 858
Joined: Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:36 pm
Location: Mainz, Germany

Re: Salvation Road

Postby Anne Elder » Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:42 pm

Hi Tom,

thank you for taking the time! Good news that you like the concept and the melody. I also came to think in the last days the message is not getting through, whereas I have (even) more difficulties with the second (i.e. 3+4) verse. Need to think about it myself ...

Anne

Tom Veitch
Posts: 852
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Salvation Road

Postby Tom Veitch » Sun Dec 17, 2017 7:26 pm

"Just leave it Tom" now there is a red rag to bull (hope you understand :-) ) You are talking to a stubborn B, but you knew that.

I'm enjoying thinking about this, and before I look at the next couple of verses I wondered whether the song would benefit from a link verse/bridge between the past and the present and a final verse hoping for a better future?

I'm thinking along the lines of (again not actual lyrics)

Bridge verse or final verse depending on V3 and V4

But have things changed (Or things have changed)
We know better now
The problems of the past
Can never happen again



Tom

PS I know you will do your own thing anyway ;-) which is great!


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